I took a long walk on the beach the other day near a home I am now getting used to calling my own. Life is new and I have forced myself to explore. For the last year and a half I have hidden out hoping to protect myself and others. Our lives were under attack, how I love was under a microscope. None of what was coming our way like a tsunami was fair, kind or necessary. But the havoc someone intentionally created to destroy another person was literally killing me. I think the only thing I wanted was a French fry and a glass of bourbon. I trusted no one.

I wrote last spring of being cyber attacked. It was not a joke. In one form or another I have received or been forwarded over 1000 letters of hate. The way they attacked was crippling. Then there was social media. I spent time initially wondering why, until one day I realized the why was irrelevant. It just was. The entire thing cost me dearly and now it is time to rebuild. On the one hand maybe they got what they wanted and on the other I am building a woman that is stronger than ever, with more to say and give to others.

As I walked the beach that day, I could not help but wonder about the enormous sand wall that appeared and was now taking up more of the coastline than it should. Why was it there? People were playing on and around it, an unexpected bleacher for a volleyball game or enormous sand castle to a child. While it clearly blocked the view of the water, people imaginatively made it their own. A few days later as I walked the same stretch of beach the tide was high. The mist covered the shore and seagulls flew low. I love magical mystical days like these. They are so peaceful. The tide was lapping at the wall and it was eroding quickly. I understood now. The wall was there to save the beach. It is important to realize that it was made of sand and was meant to come down. I took that to heart. It was time to let my wall down and let people in again.

So welcome. I am glad you are here and that you waited. We are taking the chance and opening the blog, which had lost a chunk of readership to the security measures we had to put on it last year. The harassment had moved to the site and I was not hosting that. The security was necessary. It was a grain of sand in my wall.

I am now building a new life and community.Without community I would not have made it through. I find it in the most unexpected places. Cvlized has grown. We are now a team of people who bring a lot of unique ideas to the table. We share one mission, letting people know they are not alone. There is another person out there who has felt the isolation you may be experiencing, the grief you are wading through, the joy and celebration that is often more sweet because we know what a gift joy really is. Come along as we talk, cook, learn and explore this broken beautiful world.

There is so much more to come!