Right where we should be
Have you ever gotten up, walked to the kitchen and could not find the coffee maker? You know, the one that lives in the same place on your kitchen counter every day. I got up today desperately in need after an evening out with old friends, and went looking for my French press. I had the top but could not find the carafe anywhere. I searched the dishwasher, the counter, the cupboard, the bedroom, the bathroom (why I have no idea………….. the house is small, maybe I wandered around with it) but no carafe. I began to panic, I mean I could switch to the drip coffee maker but the water was already heating and that would be a waste, and then I began to wonder who broke in. Someone was obviously here and stole my carafe…………… Someone broke in and stole half of my coffee maker. What else was missing? (Besides my common sense)
It is easy to jump to conclusions or point fingers of blame. She took this from me, it is their fault, but honestly we are the only ones who can truly rob us. The longer we sit in our pain the farther away our joy travels.
As I walked through a beautifully decorated shop the day before, I began to feel sorry for myself. Why don’t I have a big home with a giant front door worthy of that wreath and all the family that would make an imaginary door like that necessary? Where did I go wrong? Seriously, I sadly looked at all these lovely things and wondered at my lack, until I didn’t. That voice that is often loud in my head, started screaming. “You are an idiot. Like we have no excuse for you and this thinking.”………………….And then I heard my grandfather actually roll over in his grave.
Because the truth is, I have EVERYTHING and this year I am lucky enough that life, no matter how twisted the journey, has brought me to a place where I can celebrate the holidays with ALL of my children and host them all day long, or at least as long as they will stay. My mother is still with us and I have time to share some simple joy with her as well. I have a new grandson who has never known a moment without love. I am intentional about preserving that with him. I want him to go forever without experiencing the heartbreak of the world so let's not have him start with mine. I think that would be my prayer, I will write it down and put it in his stocking. Maybe we should all just write down wishes and fill up his stocking with those. I pray for solutions to things that we do to each other in ungoverned landscapes. I pray that he spreads infectious kindness during his time here. I pray he is the antidote to a world of isolation. I pray for a return to joy, presence and community.
So as we head into the bustle of the season. I need to remember to check myself, walk in nature, say I love you, invite someone over, count each days blessings, extend myself some grace, and know that one day maybe I will actually need that big front door, but for now there is plenty of love. Today though I just need a cup of coffee. Like seriously…….who stole the coffee maker?(and my grandfather rolled over again)
The coffee maker was later located right in front of my face…it was not stolen, misplaced or hiding. It was exactly where it should be, as am I.