Spinning Sugar
If you walked in the front door of my life unexpected these days, I picture you looking in and up and seeing me naked on a hilltop standing cruciform waiting to be filled. There is no detail to my nudity just light. Kind of like The Sound of Music but with no costume designer….(here I am putting myself out of work.) In the last few months I have become wildly attuned to doing what is right or what I feel is honest with my life. This can and will leave you vulnerable, so don’t take it on unless you are really ready to go to all the edges of what we need in western culture, or what we need to feel validated. It has reduced me to ashes. The ashes are remnants of former validation, lies I told myself, hurts I participated in or held, financial worry, sexual roles, labels that glued me together..like single mom, hopes that were mine and not God’s, roles I wished to play and missed, love I received and lost, money I ruined my body to earn, and on and on. All of our ash piles look slightly different. But here’s the thing. You walk in and I am whole, standing arms outstretched and waiting. How did I regather the molecules of my being? In this raw and vulnerable place I ask myself that. I believe it is hope that has me upright. You can not rise up with negative emotion. You CAN rise up with a clean heart and a pure place of being, but intentions of conquerer or vengeance are to weighty to rise. Out of my own ashes I have new hope of being used for purpose. Honestly I don’t even know what that is..thus the outstretched arms. Arms ready to receive; receive love, forgiveness, power, intention to change the world in my own way and wait for it..ultimately joy. Hope feels like a spun sugar that creates joy.
I think about the delicacy of spun sugar. It’s spring and ironically Easter time. This is a time of rising. My windows are open as I stand in the kitchen and the breeze blows light. I find myself breathing out the heaviness of winter and craving the cotton candy of spring. Whenever I need to create I cook. Whenever I need to heal, I cook. Today I am trying something new. The thought of spun sugar leads me to meringue. What can be lighter? Lemon meringue pie, what can be brighter? I have never made this pie, but this new me requires I take off the apron of my baking anxiety and give it a shot. (After a couple of epic baking fails last summer my anxiety is high when it comes to making cakes cookies breads or anything scientific in the kitchen.) I am great at cooking with love but if we need to add some science, I have fallen off the rails. But that anxiety lies in the ashes now, along with all my other expectations of worldly greatness, and I start to juice some lemons. Once the curd comes together I begin the fun part…..meringue. Watching egg whites froth and rise into white peaks as I add sugar is like magic. It is literally hope forming into delicious joy.
Lemon Meringue Pie
When you think about it, meringue is really half the egg. But given the lightness of air and the sweetness of sugar it has the potential to become wonderful things. That half is a brand new magnificent whole. Maybe that is me standing on the hilltop. Half of what I was, breathing in the lightness of air, awaiting the sweetness of my pure potential. I am simply the sugar spinning
Ingredients
1 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups water
3 lemons, juiced and zested
2 tablespoons butter
4 egg yolks, beaten
1 (9 inch) pie crust, baked
4 egg whites
6 tablespoons white sugar
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Lemon Filling
In a medium saucepan, whisk together 1 cup sugar, flour, cornstarch, and salt. Stir in water, lemon juice and lemon zest. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, until mixture comes to a boil. Stir in butter. Place egg yolks in a small bowl and gradually whisk in 1/2 cup of hot sugar mixture. Whisk egg yolk mixture back into remaining sugar mixture. Bring to a boil and continue to cook while stirring constantly until thick. Remove from heat. Pour filling into baked pastry shell.
Meringue
In a large glass or metal bowl, whip egg whites until foamy. Add sugar gradually, and continue to whip until stiff peaks form. Spread meringue over pie, sealing the edges at the crust.
Bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes, or until meringue is golden brown.
